Mike loses a bet. Sam Peczek wins a contest.

Congratulations to Sam Peczek (pictured at right) for winning our 1 Line Sequel For 1 Free BoTW 2009 contest with her one line sequel to Evelyn Hampton's NOÖ [9] poem "I Am A Lion Birthing A Kitten:"

"In some future time and place I meet a milkman who knows about a tidal wave headed straight for all my villages; I smash a bottle of half fat over his head and run until I taste something metallic and wrong."

All the entries were delectable and a sweet romp through the NOÖ archives. The choice of winner was hard but fun, like water polo. Many thanks to all who entered! Sam's copy of BoTW is currently skating across the Atlantic Ocean.

Me, I am not skating across anything. I am sitting in a coffeeshop across from someone who just bought a truck cap from a guy named J.D. in Orange. He just said "Free's free. I'll give you some cash for it." Also, the answer to "What color is it?" is apparently "Okay." Then, when he hung up, he called J.D. Dan, except I think his name is Dan, the guy buying the truck cap, and J.D's name is still, even with his truck cap sold, J.D.

All of which is to say that I lost a bet with my co-editor, the suave and studious Ryan Call, during the editing of NOÖ [10]. See, in Kim Chinquee's story "One Below" is the line "Some big hit was playing" except Kim had written the line as "Some bit hit was playing." Ryan thought it was a typo. I thought it was a turn of phrase. We made a bet. He won. Now, as per the terms of the bet, I have to post a picture of myself from when I was ten years old:



Stay tuned tomorrow for the release of a new Magic Helicopter e-book and a new contest! And maybe even more news about who is sitting around me, like a person playing Banana Grams!

Preorder THE DRUNK SONNETS, get a free beer koozie!

Dear friends,

Daniel Bailey's thrump of a full length poetry debut, The Drunk Sonnets (Magic Helicopter Press, Oktoberfest 2009) is now available for pre-order. Only $10 for a boom boom pow of heart gobbling poetry. And what's more, in an exclusive blog deal, the first 10 people to pre-order get a free Drunk Sonnets beer koozie. That's right, your very own purple Daniel Bailey beer koozie. So when you're passed out in your lawn chair or down your chimney, you can totally reprezent with the nation's new favorite drunk poet.

But don't take my smarmy-carnival-barker word for it! Read the following blurbs from K. Silem Mohammad and Sam Pink, and then read the poem below those:

You hear a lot of people these days calling for more sincerity in poetry. Assholes, mostly. But you know what? I can dig sincerity, when it's really sincerely sincere. And nothing is more sincere than some poor drunk guy with a tortured soul sharing his deepest dysfunctions with you. Daniel Bailey's Drunk Sonnets should win a truth-in-advertising award: these poems contain the kind of full-throated, heartbroken, prosodic yodeling that can come only from a close encounter with a tall bottle, or several of them. You can tell they're straight from the booze-soaked heart, because they're IN ALL CAPS. Is this a viable formal device? Can a poet legitimately achieve new heights of eloquence by slow, self-administered alcohol poisoning? Does crapped-pants inarticulacy ever magically transform itself to unparalleled lyric song? Yes, yes, and hell yesh. It may set a bad example for the kids, but this is poetry that grabs you by the shirt collar, sprays rank 80-proof emotion in your face, and makes you like it. Bottoms up.

—K. Silem Mohammad, author of Breathalyzer (Edge Books 2009) and Best American Poetry alum

This book is the result of an emo kid writing a few words then leaving the room to do something else, then a drunk old man walks in and says "What is this goofy garbage," and he edits a few lines but agrees with others, then he leaves the room and a bored but insightful cat walks in with an electrical helmet on that transcribes its boredom onto the page, then it leaves and a man who has wronged many people and been wronged by many people walks in and tries to write what he feels but just sighs and some tears hit the page and the words blend and begin to like each other and finally a five-year-old version of Daniel Bailey walks in, the Midwest sadness embedded as deeply in him as his Kool-Aid moustache, and he puts his hands over the book and blesses it, right before running outside to see who is waiting to play with him and make up more awesome worlds than the one that currently holds his weight.

—Sam Pink, author of I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT (Paper Hero Press, 2009), THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME (plays, Six Gallery Press), and FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO (Afterbirth Books)

DRUNK SONNET 28
—Daniel Bailey

LET’S HAVE A BABY PLEASE
LET’S HAVE A BABY AND WATCH IT GROW
LET’S VIDEOTAPE THE BABY GROWING
LET’S TIMEWARP THE VIDEO

LET’S WATCH THE BABY GROW AT INTENSE SPEEDS
LET’S WATCH IT GO FROM ZERO TO THREE YEARS IN 30 SECONDS
LET’S TOUCH OUR FACES TOGETHER AND KISS
LET’S UNDERSTAND THE WATER THAT KEEPS US ALIVE

LET’S TELL OURSELVES THAT WE ARE NO MISTAKE
LET’S FALL DOWN INTO A PILE OF DUCK BLANKETS
LET’S HAVE SOME FUN FINALLY AND LOVE SOMETHING

LET’S GET AWESOME TOGETHER AND MAKE LIFE GOOD
LET’S HAVE THIS, ALL OF THIS
LET’S NOT BE SAD OR ALONE ANYMORE PLEASE

PREORDER THE DRUNK SONNETS (COMING OKTOBERFEST 2009) TODAY! FIRST TEN ORDERS GET A FREE BEER KOOZIE!

NOÖ [10] NOÖ [10] NOÖ [10] NOÖ [10] NOÖ [10] NOÖ [10]

NOÖ [10] IS NOW ONLINE!

After four years of independently producing and distributing a free literary and cultural magazine, online and in print, here's what we ended up with: a skirmish of unicorns, a couple of hairy hands, tomatoes with a little dish soap, foxes chasing your head, banjo clocks, nice asses, a lady with birds, rabbits, and fish coming out of her mouth, people voted simply "most likely," a diner that transforms into a tyrannosaurus rex, love on Ferris wheels, milk the mythical moth, smiling for candy, walking for patience, and a spittle bug.

Deep thanks to all our contributors and to our wonderful readers who have supported us and indulged our kooky ways through these first ten issues. Please have a read at [10] and see what you think. And stay tuned to this blog! There are Magic Helicopter and NOÖ releases, announcements, contests, and multimedia planned for the whole week! Boom for real.